Your Wii age is....

Today really hasn't been my day for physical activity.  Actually, when I think about it, it is more likely that the past few years haven't really been my sunny spot for physical activity.  Today was just a nice swatch of icing on the cake - ha!

I am always so tired lately and well intended to continue working out.  But, the gym BORES the hell out of me.  I was so in shape in high school and even in college.  Now I get winded walking anywhere and pretty dizzy, too.  I decided to turn on the Wii fit again today...For like the first time in like 4 months.

  Steve wasn't at home so I figured I could test my skills without being laughed at.  Well, the damn thing made me re-check my body test - weight, BMI, balance and coordination.  So, apparently, in the last few months my BMI has only gone up a percent but stayed "normal".  It proceeds to chart this for me to see and then weighs me.  Whatever, I don't really care about my weight, usually...Until it made a grand entrance on the large TV screen.  Wii apparently wanted to congratulate me on "meeting my goal"  even if it took a little longer than normal.  It told me that I had worked out long and hard to reach this goal and I should not give up even after meeting it; I should set a new goal.  Wow, that's really great.  I didn't do much of anything and I met my goal - I wish other things in life were this easy.  Until it told me what I did.  I gained 10 pounds.  WOW, in 4 months, spiffy.  Maybe now my damn doctor will quit yelling at me to stop losing weight.  Seeing as to how I have managed to do just the opposite in record time! I am now a certified chunkus monkus. Don't worry wii fit, my new goal is to lose 10 pounds in a month...guess I better get moving. 

Next up is the balance and coordination testing - this ought to be fun.  I mean, come on now, I danced on my toes for quite a few years, spun in circles without getting dizzy, did the splits and high kicks without pulling hamstrings or kicking myself in the face - no problem, right?  HAHAHA - according to wii "donkey" my center of balance is still pretty good, but my hand eye coordination is awful as well as my eye foot coordination.  It actually asked me if I found myself tripping quite frequently and running into things- I asked it if it found itself getting punched in the face often.  It didn't respond.  Probably because it knew that even if I aimed well I would still miss!

That should have been my clue to just go sleep in the hammock....

Wii then proceeded to calculate my age - I am now 43.  My parents had me when they were 12.  It's cool.

I shut it off and left the house.

Still thinking about my nice age of 43, I decided to rollerblade.  Since I rollerbladed constantly back in Michigan, I figured I would pull out my blades and give it a whirl in the neighborhood.  The brake on the back is well worn out but I can T-stop and weave to slow down.  Laced the good ole boys up and headed down the driveway. 

Up the hill onto the next street.  Got on the sidewalk since cars were driving up and down the street coming home from work.  Started up another long hill and when I reached the peak, tried my best to Tstop or brake.  Neither worked.  It's cool.  I have it under control.  I can weave a little on my path to slow down my speed.  Just kidding.  Oh, did I mention the stop sign at the bottom of the hill?  Yea, Fan freaking tastic.  Not gonna happen either.  But, I can finesse my way into a curve and turn to slow myself down.  Negative.  Human catapult.  Large white mailbox and post directly in my line of vision and still going about 700 mph on the wheels.  Think quick.  Prefer not to impale myself this afternoon although my green ensemble would look lovely contrasting with the white mailbox.  Dodge to the right.  Large lawn to crash land on.  Now, why the hell would I stop there?  That would be too easy really.  Instead, my wheels keep burning the midnight oil all the way across the lawn - you would have thought I was on a track surface and not St. Augustine grass.  Hit the curb, bounce, fly forward and strawberry skin my arm.  Somehow land on my ass and bounce into the street.  WHEW.  No one saw, I'm a little bruised but good.

 HAHA - turn around Chunkus Monkus...  Grams, driving her Cutlass Supreme, is sitting behind me mouthing "ouch".  Not, "are you okay" or "need help?", just "ouch".  Well, I sprung up, took a bow, flashed my biggest grin and gave her the thumbs up sign.  Don't worry Grams, I'll be here all week...

It's cool, friends.  You can laugh at me.  I laughed at me. 

I have managed many interesting feats in the last few years.  I ran into a large woman's behind in Disney World and bounced off of her and almost fell backwards.  Good thing that Steve was behind me to catch me.  I fell into a hole in our backyard and twisted my ankle.  Managed to punch myself in the face while ice skating.  Hand eye coordination is seriously a problem for me.  Hey jackass, your hand is headed for your OWN eye, maybe you should stop it from moving or at least move your head.  What did you say?  Oh, move my head, Whoops, too late...And now, I managed to slide and bounce on Rollerblades... down a hill, across a lawn, over a curb and into the street.

Do they offer coordination classes for idiots? 

Don't worry.  For now, I am going to bed.  I'm pretty sure I will think of something to do that is klutz worthy.  I'll let you know when it happens.